I am selling my IBook and would appreciate it if anyone knows someone who might be interested to spread the word.

dallas.craigslist.org/ndf/sys/1388426412.html

I've been quiet .. yet again.

In the past month-ish I have ...

1) Quit my job
2) Enrolled in college

I am currently looking for a new job, something part-time/evening hours. So basically, food service. Am I thrilled about this? No. Is it better than being screamed at all day by the most depressing parts of the country? Maybe?

And then this morning I learned that my mom has pulmonary hypertension. So now I'm scared and worried.

Life sure ain't easy.

I turned 25 almost two weeks ago on the 14th. Isn't this the birthday I'm supposed to start freaking out about how I don't know where my life is going ... or is that thirty? I would have put more effort into being worried about it, but a few days before I came down with strep throat and so was attempting to take a relatively easy day as I still wasn't 100%. Chris and I had our current food addiction, Chipotle, for lunch and spent a lazy afternoon on the couch watching food p0rn. Seeing as I live in Texas, the weather that day was balls hot and so we decided to go over to Zach's and go swimming. On the way, miss stick_figure delivered me the most delicious little homemade cake. Seriously, it totally rocked!

Now, the rest of the night needs a little bit of back story to make sense. When Chris and I started dating we had a conversation about what our friends would do if we went up to them and threw a pie in their face, as well as who would be most likely to laugh about it? In the end we decided that our friend Bert would be the best victim and decided to actually do it to him. Ironically, Bert is born exactly two days after myself, and Chris and I saw the perfect opportunity to get him with a pie in the face on his birthday. And thus a tradition was born.

Fast-forward to me having forgotten all about the pie-tradition and chilling in the pool on my birthday having an awesome night. Bert's girlfriend yells, "Hey Tina! Do you like your present?" as she points to a pinata that is hanging in the backyard that somehow I had not yet noticed. "Oh my god!" I yell with excitement and get out of the pool. Since it was my birthday they said I got to hit it down and insisted that I do it blind folded and spun all around. And of course after swinging around a large stick and managing to finally bust the thing open, I quickly go to yank the bandana off my eyes ... PIE!!! In the face.

And let me tell you, pie in the face is a horrible horrible sensation. Don't ever do it to someone else. You'll thank me later.

But I did have a wonderful birthday. Chris got me a bunch of herb garden kits, which I've wanted for a long time. And my sproutlings are growing surprisingly well! All of my friends are amazing, and it's nice to know that I'm surrounded by people who care.

Now, as I mentioned awhile back, I hadn't done too much freaking out about my age. That didn't sink in until a week ago.

Lately, all I've been doing is trying to figure out where the hell it is I want my life to go, and more importantly how the FUCK am I going to get anywhere? And the more and more I think about things the more vast and strange my thoughts about the topic are getting. For example, at times I think to myself, "Tina, you should go be a tattoo artist," or "You should just go join the Coast Guard."

I've spent the past week reading and researching the armed services and military options in general. My first choice being the Coast Guard, with the Air Force and Navy being thought about as second options. And the more I learned and thought about it, suddenly the Coast Guard seemed to looking more and more inviting. So I decided that I should talk to a recruiter, because it wouldn't hurt to at least get more information. There is apparently only one or two Coast Guard recruiters in the DFW area, so it was easier to get in touch with the Air Force recruiters and so today I went in and talked for awhile.

Very shortly in to the conversation it became apparent that the fact that I can't wear eye glasses to correct my vision was going to be a big issue no matter what branch of the military I would want to enlist with. So I came home and did more research and learned that my particular eye disease is a permanent DQ from being in the military. I'm a little bummed out about it as I'd gotten pretty excited about the idea as time went on.

I guess it's back to square one. Tattoos anyone?

I am at war with Firefox.

Recently I noticed that out of all the programs I use the most, the ones that are consistently asking me to update are consistently the programs that make me angry the most. For example? Itunes. I always avoid updating you because I know that the next version will have removed a function I really enjoyed and added some new stupid thing that pisses me off. And yet every three updates or so I'll give in and press "update" ... and it's always fail. You are like having sex for the first time. Epic Fail.

So my gripe with Firefox is that for such a wonderfully-awesome and much-better-then-IE-in-every-single-way internet browser, why you always wanting me to download the latest version? (Internal dialogue: Was that too much ghetto speak? Will people even know I was joking and don't really talk like that? Why am I talking like that? Oh god, I need to quit my job.)

For nearly a week I've been battling what I thought was originally allergies and then decided it must be a cold. I debated on going to a doctor because I'd really rather them not tell me it's just a cold and to get rest and fluids, but finally started getting worried when my cough wasn't clearing up. In fact, although it sounded like my chest was full of mucus, no matter how hard I coughed, nothing would come up. So I caved and went in to get checked out. An x-ray later it came back as bronchitis.

Hooray for antibiotics, although my non-pill-swallowing self gets to drink the disgusting banana flavored liquid form. I'm going to go ahead and blame the antibiotics for the horrid dreams I had last night, namely about finding a mass murderer in my backyard and having to stab him in the head repeatedly with a meat carving fork to save myself.

Otherwise, I've been trying to get rest and fluids and watching Season 2 of Lost. I'd watched most of season 1 ages ago and thought the show was ok, kinda neat, but a little like "ok do the writer's have a fucking clue where they're taking this?" So when I noticed that ABC has all the episodes online I figured I'd keep watching. I have only 1 real complaint.

Like all online TV shows, you occasionally have to watch a stupid commercial that is typically way louder then the show itself, and usually the same commercial or two over and over. A little annoying, but I can deal. However, ABC likes to play "the ABCs of Lost" which is basically a minute long video giving away plot spoilers for the entire series. Kinda dissappointing when the whole show is built around suspense and surprise. You'd think ABC could at least avoid playing that particular commercial when someone is trying to watch a 2nd season episode and maybe, just maybe, wants to actually be surprised.

I had somewhat of a strange, upsetting evening tonight.  I was over at Chris's house playing WoW  (which, I finally got my epic bow!) when one of his neighbor's rings on the door bell. Chris answered the door to find a large, heavy-set woman in a silk nightgown covered in blood. She made Carrie look like a saint. Her whole nightgown was soaked with blood. Chris said that his first thought was, "Zombie!" and almost slammed the door shut, and I can't say I blame him for that reaction. She was very difficult to look at. A tough mental image to shake.

So Corey ended up calling the cops while Chris and I tried to help in whatever way we can. She could barely speak and I swear to god I saw her pull a tooth out of her mouth at one point. I asked her if she had just been hit or if she'd been attacked with a knife or gun, but she insisted that she'd just been hit - by her boyfriend. Now, I've seen people after getting hit in the face with fists and this looked like someone had cut her all over her face. No idea how someone does that with his bare hands.

The cops came along with an ambulance and a fire truck and took the lady to the hospital and pretty much left us alone. Apparently after beating up his girlfriend this jack ass took her phone so she couldn't call the cops and ran off on foot somewhere. Pretty fucked up night if you ask me.

Which is just a continuation of a lot of weird, fucked up things that have been happening around me lately. For example, the other night we were all in Corey's room talking about WoW and his computer screen turned black with a white ring in the center. I quickly joked, "Oh look! The Ring!" only to suddenly hear loud panting/breathing sounds coming from his speakers. Yeah, it was his video card messing up, but it was still fucking creepy. I keep teasing Chris that we're going to be "Ringu'ed" ...

There's also been the issue of car accidents and car issues that keep popping up. Ever since the road trip, cars have terrified me almost to a point where I'm convinced that I'm going to die in a car crash. Whenever a strong gust of wind hits my truck on the highway I keep thinking that my tire is going to go flying off and this time I won't be so lucky. Three people that are on the outskirts of my life have recently passed on because of car crashes. It just seems like these things are all hitting a little too close to home for comfort. I'm not one to be superstitious, but it's a little hard not to wonder what the hell is going on?

There was an article in the Washington Times that I found rather interesting.

Most notably:

"And sure enough, Mr. Obama explained last week that in order to make alternative energy sources wind, solar - perhaps eventually human muscle power? - economically competitive, he intends to raise the price of carbon-based energy until it is so expensive that even solar power will be such-a-deal."

Oh, really? I'd really be curious to know if anyone knows more about what Our Great and Wonderful Leader's Savior's proposed ideas for energy development are exactly? 

Yeah ... so I never finished writing about my Colorado road trip, and at this point it seems rather moot. Either you've heard the story or don't care. Long story short? When a tire is no longer part of a car, especially while said car is moving at 70mph, the results are pretty shitty.

Case in point?



Otherwise I'm thinking maybe it is time to move away from Livejournal. I'd probably never delete the journal, but I might just make this a "closed chapter" of my online presence. I haven't made any solid decisions but it just feels like there is very little for me here. Whatever I decide, I'll let people know, but somehow I don't imagine too many people being concerned. I never use this damn thing.

Continued from the following post ...

Sunday, January 11th
       Our only full day spent in Durango was rather laid back, which after spending 16+ hours in a van was more than welcome. My mom did take us for a drive up to Mancos which is an even smaller town even more nestled into the mountains. There was a quaint bakery/coffee shop/cafe where we were treated coffee and pastries. It made me long for a place like that here in Dallas, someplace full of used books, local art work and friendly faces. The whole little car ride was pretty spectacular - lots of dramatic curves that suddenly revealed stunning panoramas of the mountain landscape. I even spotted a coyote in the woods just hanging out doing his coyote thing.
( Read more... )

I've been trying to write about my recent road trip, now that I'm finally back in town, but I'm finding that it's much too big a tale to tell in one sitting. Tonight, I wrote down our first day.

Famous last words: “Ok, so whenever we overcome something on this trip, we have to do a ‘HIGH FIVE!!!’”

        If I had a dollar for every “HIGH FIVE!!!” that was uttered on the road, well, I probably would have been able to buy a new van for us when ours broke down along the Kansas border. But that’s skipping ahead in the story. Chris and I, Tina, planned to take a road trip to Durango, CO to visit my mom and then drive to Denver to visit friends and clean out my storage unit. It was to be one crazy, long road trip with memories to last a lifetime. I guess I can’t complain, because memories are exactly what this trip provided. In retrospect, we had the perfect setting for a wacky comedy: two young adults taking a road trip, oblivious to their upcoming demise. We were, after all, taking a 1989 Ford E150 conversion van for a 1700 + mile road trip through New Mexico and Colorado during the winter time. We were working with a tight budget and an ever tighter schedule, what could possibly go wrong?

( Friday, Jan 9th to Saturday, Jan 10th )

You know those movies where the main character has car troubles in a small town and goes to a bar or a diner and a very crusty local tells them that the same thing happened to them 23 years ago and that they'd been there ever since? I'd never understood how that's possible until Wednesday night.

Chris and I had finally begun our drive home and were about two or three hours outside of Denver when I-70 started getting a little bumpy. I also noticed that Chris was swerving in his lane a little bit, very similar to how a car reacts with strong crosswinds. We quickly realized that it couldn't be wind-related because the semi in front of us was having no problems whatsoever. Unfortunately, before we had a chance to pull over and see if something was wrong with the van, suddenly there's a loud noise like the van hit a very very large pothole followed by sparks showering the road and Chris going "Oh my god, oh my god". Miraculously he makes it over to the shoulder just in time to see one of our tires roll in front of us and off into the ditch.

Apparently, when Chris had the brakes worked on several months ago, the lug nuts on the tire were never properly tightened and as our trip progressed the lugs got looser and looser until wha-la! the tire flew off while we were going down the highway at 70mph. The good news is that no one was injured and my AAA tow miles got us safely into the next town with a motel and service center. The bad news is that the repairs are rather hefty and there is no forms of alternative transportation available in this town. No nearby anything. And so we're stuck here until Chris's dad can fly to DIA, rent a car and drive us back to Texas.

I want to go home.

Chris and I are leaving on Friday night to go on a road trip vacation through Colorado. We'll be driving to Durango, CO to visit my mom for a few days and then swinging up to Denver, CO for a bit and then finally heading back home to Dallas. A lot of driving in a short amount of time, but I'm really excited to be taking a bit more leisurely tour of the Midwest/Mountain region of the country. We'll be driving a conversion van which is so roomy and comfortable. And I will be taking pictures the whole time.

What I'm most excited about is showing the man I love more about my life and where it is I came from. I worry that he'll feel a little "third wheel", so my goal is to keep that from happening. I want this to be more of a sharing experience and not me just dragging him across the US.

That said, I'm bracing myself for whatever wrench it is life is planning on throwing at me. The best made plans always have a kink or two in em. I'm keeping in mind that what is going to happen will happen, and the best thing I can do is keep up a good attitude. I really am the one who decides if I'm in a good mood or not.

Well, that's about it. Talk to y'all when I get back!

I think I'm going to take a shot every time I hear the word "change" over the next four years. At least I'll have a good time. Or be too intoxicated to pay attention.

Then, I can sue the government for making me an alcoholic.

Seriously though, what is it with Americans that we all think a fairy godmother is going to come along and fix all our problems? My new job has been a wonderful eye-opener to this mentality. Every day I talk to people who think that because the economy is doing poorly that they shouldn't have to pay their cable bills. While yes, it sure is going to suck a big, floppy donkey dick to have to do something else *gasp* besides sit on your ass and watch American Idol, it is not the end of the world! And if it was so important, you probably should have paid your bill. A month ago.

Women will bitch at me, "But I have THREE KIDS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE KIDS AND NO TV?"
... Well, no ma'am. I don't. And I like to keep it that way by keeping the ole baby hotel vacant. But unfortunately, you and your five baby daddy's weren't thinking that far ahead and now what I really strongly recommend you do is SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING FAMILY.

It's all about taking responsibility for your own actions, an ethic that is sorely lacking in today's world. Personally, this is something that has only begun to sink in for me in the past few years so I understand - it takes awhile to get used to. The whole "help yourself thing" ain't easy! But I'm trying and it just seems like the rest of the world is taking steps farther and farther in the opposite direction.

We all have to remind ourselves the price we pay for being a "modern" society. And we have to ask ourselves the question, "Is that a price I am willing to pay?" Quite honestly, I find myself thinking "No. No it is not," more and more each day. Mega corporations, pollution, human rights, overcrowding, disease, terrorism - all mighty hefty fees we pay to live the lives we do. Where's the island for those of us who don't want Wal-Mart or Wall Street and find the idea of hard work more rewarding then tax cuts and bail out plans?

Meh. I'll probably delete this in the morning. Or be drunk from my new drinking game.

It just dawned on me that there have been some changes in my life that I haven't mentioned yet here.

Around the middle of August I quit Starbucks and began working at a call center. Some of you may recall that I tried working at a call center when I first moved to Texas and absolutely hated the job. So much so that after 3 days I quit. But, this new job would be making calls to cable customers to inform them that their service was going to be interrupted because their account was past due. Somewhere between a bill collector and a courtesy call. Not the sexiest of jobs, but it beat the hell out of making lattes and putting up with a horribly managed, miserable store. And of course the coolest part? My schedule would be Thur and Fri 10am-10:45pm and Sat 8am-8:30pm. Super long hours but four glorious days off in between.

The new job has been crazy. It's horribly boring, but I get paid to sit and do nothing a lot of the time. Or sit and read a book. Or just listen to someone complain and then tell em, "Sorry. Nothing I can do. Call this number. Good-bye!!" I get to use an alias at work, which is sort of fun because I get to pretend I'm someone else. And you'd be surprised how quickly a nearly 13-hour-day can go by!

There is one other important change that my new job brought about. Namely, my very own apartment. It's been really nice to have my own space again.* A place to do my crafts and to cook. No more screaming kids outside my window. No longer feeling like the world's worst cat-parent. Overall, a truly positive thing.

It's nice when life decides to calm down for a minute or two. It's giving me some time to put wind in my sails so I can stop dragging my feet and get on with my life. Hooray!

* I will always be grateful to modernirishman for helping me out when I needed it. Thank you.

I think this is hiiiilarious.

Blueball Rd.

The fact that it turns into Barren Rd just adds to the funny.

Last night I met up with Chris at one of our favorite haunts to grab a few drinks. Not too long after sitting down, some lonely guy sitting near us started asking Chris all sorts of questions. "Do you watch America's Got Talent?" or "What about Youtube?" and then finally "So what are your thoughts on the Bailout plan falling through?"

The Bailout plan is a topic that not only have we both discussed a lot recently, but also happen to agree on. It was a bad idea and we were happy to see it, in its current form, shot down. (I would elaborate more but I don't want to speak for someone else.)

Of course the guy asking Chris' opinion was a little shocked that he was glad, but probably equally as shocked that Chris had a well thought out, articulate, answer as to why. Which prompted the next question of "Who are you voting for?"

I have a rule that I try to follow as much as I can. Occasionally, there are times when someone gets me to break it and I always end up kicking myself in the ass for it. I do not mix alcohol and politics. If I am at a bar trying to unwind, the very last thing I want is for someone to start lecturing me about this or that. And let's be honest - very few people go into any political discussion in order to listen and learn (because that would be fine). Most of the discussions I've been involved with have been debates between two sides who don't care to change. That being my main point I suppose - people already know how they feel and most likely are not going to change so it's a wasted effort and more likely a source of pure aggravation.

Back at the bar ... the question is finally put to me, "What about you? Who are you voting for?" to which I politely stated my no politics + beer policy. When pressed further I finally said it. "I don't vote."

Thankfully, the guy didn't give me the standard lecture (probably because Chris was there), but trust me I've heard it before. "I vote so I have the right to complain ... blah blah blah." Personally, I think I'm doing the most American thing I can possibly think of when I don't vote. I'm registering my silent objections to a system that I don't believe in and really, I think participating in elections would be hypocritical and a way of saying "Sure, go ahead. Keep fucking things up."

There's a really interesting little blurb written about not voting here. It sums up my feelings rather well.

And for those of you who haven't seen it ... here is what I think about this year's election:

Three weeks ago I was offered a new job.
Three weeks ago I quit Starbucks.
Three weeks ago I had one of the best things happen to me all year.

In a nutshell, I started working in a payment processing center that calls on behalf of various cable companies to let customers know that their bill is past due and attempt to collect payment to avoid service interruption. Yes, you read that right - I'm a bill collector.

But, I'm a bill collector who makes good money, works three 12 hr days and has the rest of the week off, is finally able to repay debts and most importantly (among other things) - is happy! No, my job is not thrilling, and in honesty is boring and quite repetitive, but it is so much better than Starbucks that I don't think I'll mind for a long, long time. At SBux I always felt like I was being underpaid and overworked. Now I have a job that does require long hours, but also pays me accordingly. If anything, I feel overpaid. Yay. Do a happy dance.

So make sure you pay your bills, or I might just be calling you!

(More on how, through my new job, I am able to witness more of the failure that is the Human Race When Faced with Talking to Another Human Being on the Telephone later.)

I'm curious if anyone is aware of any online news sources that don't consider celebrities or 44-pound cats to be "top headline" news? It seems as if all the leading news sites (CNN, NBC etc) these days report garbage, gossip-news right next to actually important issues i.e. the war, economy etc. CNN doesn't even have a link on their main page to any sort of Science section. I think the New York Times online is probably the only place I can think of off the top of my head that does a decent job of presenting real news.

I guess what I'm looking for is a free, online and reliable news source. Any suggestions?

After reading some of the controversy surrounding the children's book Uncle Bobby's Wedding (brought to my attention via ryanabrams), I have to say ... wow.

As someone who grew up in a Baptist household, attended art school, and lived in various parts of the country, I am well aware of the issues surrounding homosexuality and gay marriage. However, every time I try and contemplate the subject my mind nearly explodes. I'm pretty sure it boils down to this - Why are some people so obsessed with what other human beings do behind closed doors?

I will agree that marriage traditionally holds two objectives: 1) to unite households 2) procreation. Since gay marriage accomplishes that first objective, it leaves the second to be decided. Should then straight couples wishing to be married also be required to have children? Of course there are a lot of religious groups that would say they should at least try, but the fact remains that no one is going to harass or deny the right of marriage to a straight couple wishing to remain childless.

So the objection to homosexuality really all falls back to the idea of what it is that gay couples "do". Aside from leading normal lives in every respect there is the issue of sex. And not boring, missionary position, in-out sex, either. They're having anal sex, oral sex, using dildos, multiple partners - whatever is floating their boat. Admitting that homosexuality is "ok" also implies that having sex is "ok". And that's also where I think deep down some people have a hard time stomaching things.

Be it religion or culture, a lot of us are taught at a young age that sex is NOT ok. Or at least not unless you're married. I think there are a couple reasons behind this. Firstly, it attempts to eliminate young children/adults going out and having sex and becoming pregnant. And back in a time when contraceptives simply weren't around that was the surefire way to deal with it. Which brings me to the second reason why I think we're given taboos against sex - to avoid conversations about a topic that most adults are uncomfortable with. Sex is such a broad topic with so many personal preferences that I can only imagine how frightening having "the talk" with a child must be. Unfortunately, it's the the lack of discussion at young ages that brings about unhealthy sexual relationships in adults. Talking to children about sex will not make them gay, rapists, perverts or anything else other than informed human beings equipped with the knowledge needed to make safe, comfortable choices when necessary.

I know, I know. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin and all that rhetoric, but I also point out that the Bible says a lot of things. It teaches us to be kind, loving and accepting human beings. It is a moral guide and should be used just so. It is not, however, the law of any country and should thus not be the basis for or against anything. Murder is not illegal because the Bible says so, but because it was collectively decided by many human beings throughout history that murder is, well, a bad idea. Gay marriage should be given the same chance.

And really, if there's a book about homosexuality and you don't like it? Don't FUCKING READ IT. I think the idea of talking guinea pigs getting married is much much more disturbing anyways.

Yesterday was the first day wearing my new contacts.

For those unaware, roughly two years ago I was diagnosed with keratoconus, which is a degenerative eye disease of the cornea. The main trouble with it being that the only solution is RGP (hard) contacts which are not only expensive but very uncomfortable.

I was blessed to have a co-worker help me out and find an eye doctor willing to help me out with the financial part of the contacts and so now I can see - even better than was originally expected.

I have to say that yesterday was one of the weirdest, most emotional days of my life. The second I got the contacts in EVERYTHING was in focus. I've lived probably the past decade without seeing any sort of detail. Pavement was a solid color, I never saw the fibers on fabric or scratches on stainless steel. I was shocked to learn that the seat in my truck isn't solid gray but actually a plethora of colors! And of course immediately freaked out to learn that things such as personal hygiene have probably been suffering for who knows how long simply because I could never see it.

The transition from nearly blind as a bat to the world of sight and detail isn't easy. I want to wear these contacts so I can see. There is so much I wasn't able to see before that there's no way I could go back. But hard contacts are extremely difficult to wear. They're scratchy, itchy, a pain to get out ... so uncomfortable. I look like either I haven't been sleeping, swimming a lot, or do drugs because of how red my eyes are. All I want to do is rub my fucking eyes but that will just cause them to go up into my eyelids or pop out.

I know, I know. I'll adjust and get used it but I'm impatient. I don't want to "adjust". I wish so hard that I could wear glasses and not have to shove the equivalent of coke bottle glasses in my eyes. I suppose this is life pointing out to me that there is simply no easy way for anything worthwhile. At least I won't need a corneal transplant for another 20+ years. If I'm lucky.